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Wisdom and Friendships

Recently, I had a group of friends at my home. It was a wonderful gathering and I realized how much I value their friendships. I was very gratified by some lovely comments made by them and that got me thinking about relationships and friendships.

“They” say at a certain point in one’s life, one gains wisdom. I believe that is true, but to a certain extent, you have to weigh that wisdom against your own life experiences. Having said that, I have some wisdom for you about friendship.

My Five Most Important Qualities of Being a Good Friend:

  1. Honesty – I have always considered honesty one of my top values. Without it, in my opinion, it doesn’t matter what someone says to me. Let’s say someone says to me, “Linda, I think you’re a good speaker,” and they don’t truly believe that. Then, what value does that utterance have for me? None. So, I regard honesty as absolutely necessary in a real friendship or relationship. However, as a friend, I believe that honesty has to be couched in a very careful softness and consideration. Cold, stark honesty can be hurtful. I never want to hurt a friend. One of my friends had a minor altercation with a work colleague and wanted reassurance that she was right. If I thought she could have handled it better, I might say that I can see why she reacted the way she did, but also
    offer a better alternative. It’s important in relationships to be the biggest supporter of your friends. So, as a friend, we have to be careful to be honest – with a shade of being true to ourselves and offering a gentle, but different choice in certain situations.
  2. Emotional Support – There are a lot of different aspects to this kind of support. Being there for a friend, listening to them when they have had an upsetting experience, having empathy when they need it. To me, there is another part of being emotionally supportive. I want to raise my friends up by helping them regard themselves as the beautiful, thoughtful, smart, attractive or whatever quality person I believe them to be. I want to help them see themselves as I see them! I know having a dear friend accept you for who you are is very important. I also want to help my friend to be the best she can be. I want her to see herself as though she were looking through my eyes. Once a good friend of mine was explaining to me why she couldn’t reach the next level of success that she wanted to achieve. She was already successful but thought that she didn’t have the experience necessary to get there. I wanted to be the best cheerleader I could be and
    help her to see that she had the necessary qualities needed to go after this goal as she had done before. She did see herself as I saw her and she did get to that next business level.
  3. Making Time – A good friend makes time even though she may feel burdened by other matters. This is very simple. In most cases, we do have time to give to a friend, even though we may feel we don’t. We must make that friend, at that time, a top priority. That’s what we would want her to do for us. We have to feel we can rely on our friends in a deep and meaningful way. I have a friend who is often overwhelmed, yet I know that I can depend on her to listen to me.
  1. Trust – For me, this is a biggie. We can’t feel free to say anything to friends if we don’t trust them. Trust includes loyalty and dependability. We have to feel that our friends will keep not only our secrets safe but also our vulnerability fear, and weirdness. Although, of course, I don’t think I have any weirdness. You also have to know you can rely on a friend. I have had friends travel hours to bring me something or bring me chicken soup when I was sick. Or, send me pick-me-ups when I was down.
  2. Humor – When a good friend is someone with a great sense of humor, you can have the best time with them. Humor makes you feel better as if you just recharged your batteries. Humor makes anyone feel better whether they have had the worst day or simply need a pick-me-up. Most of my friends have a better sense of humor than I do. But, when a friend makes me laugh, it puts me in a better mood and helps me laugh and make jokes too.

These are my most important qualities of a friend. There are more qualities, but they would make my blog too long. I hope you got some wisdom.

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